Breaking Ancestry Brick Walls: Connect with Living Relatives

Brick walls in genealogy are never fun and can lead to endless frustration. There came a point in my research recently when I felt I had exhausted all avenues of sources. I needed to jump start my research again. I was now on the hunt for stories- tidbits you can’t find in public records.

How do you go about finding personal genealogy stories? Relatives. Strangers that are relatives, close relatives and distant relatives.

Reaching out to strangers that you are related to can be intimidating and scary but they could hold the hammer that breaks down your brick wall. Information that may be important to you could be stored away in a distant relatives attic and be something they don’t think is of value to anyone. What they think is irrelevant is very much relevant to a family researcher like you.

Types of genealogy documents and heirlooms not often found in public record that family may own include:

• Diaries, journals and other writings
• Photos including old picture negatives and photo albums
• Family bibles
• Original naturalization papers
• Military medals and attire
• Baptismal certificates
• Research from other family researchers
• Home purchase records
• Club and society booklets and annuals

In the past I have had relatives in passing describe to me items they have in their possession. When I get excited to see it they tell me they never thought it was important or that no one would care about it. For example, many years ago a relative gave me an old family bible and thought it didn’t mean much. However, inside was the handwriting of my great grandmother and recordings of her children’s full names and dates of birth. A treasure at its best.

Take a chance and reach out!

Reaching out to strangers that you are technically related to can be a scary step. They may ignore you, they may question your intentions of contacting them or they may not be the kindest person. I assure you the possibility of a great reward on the other side of that courage could be worth it.

However, keep this in mind:

• Do not pressure the relative. Be gentle, be kind.
• Do not ask them for their personal information. As a genealogist you need to protect information of those that are living. Stress that you are looking for information of ancestors who are no longer with us. If they want to share more information with you about themselves they will.
• Introduce yourself, what you have been working on and items or information you may be looking for. Be specific in what genealogical information you are looking for. Stating you are looking for ‘family information’ may get you no where. Ask them if they have a family bible or journal or if your common ancestor that was in World War I had any medals or military records. Give them ideas to jog their memory of what they may have stored away.
• Do not ask for originals of documents. Simply ask for a scan, digital copy or even just a picture of the document. You are looking for information, not to create a hoard of heirlooms.
• If a discussion of heirloom items comes up you may ask if they could send you a picture of it. However, never ask for the item or for a group of items to be partially given to you. This may sound like common sense but believe me, I have seen people do this as if they are entitled to family heirlooms.

Ways to Reach Out

• Facebook: Do you know some relatives names and where they live? Search for them on Facebook and send a message. I have done this multiple times and it has connected me with family I never knew, pictures I never had, and stories I never could have imagined.
• DNA Matches: Have you taken a DNA test with genealogy sites like Ancestry.com, 23andme.com, or MyHeritage? If you have then reach out to some of those closer DNA matches. Look for matches that have a family tree connected to their profile or more family information entered in as they are probably just as curious about family history as you are.
• Distant relatives you already know: Are there relatives you know but maybe don’t talk to very often? Reach out with an email, phone call, or handwritten letter. If they live close ask if you could meet up for coffee.
• Close relatives: Have you really asked your closest relatives about information or heirlooms they may have? I bet a lot you would say ‘No’. It is amazing how many family researchers don’t actually sit down and ask their parents, grandparents, aunts or uncles specific questions about their family and what documents they may not realize they are harboring. Interview close relatives.

Lastly, make sure you keep notes in your genealogy sources. Keep track of what information you received from which relative. This will help if you need to go back and do a follow up question.